HI, MY NAMES IS FEARGUS,

AND I COME FROM PUERTO RICO.

CHRISSY AND CARL SAVED ME AND ADOPTED ME THROUGH THE “SOS” (SAVE OUR SATOS) PROGRAM.

I WAS BORN  DECEMBER 27^TH AND LIVED RIGHT ON THE STREETS AND BEACHES OF PUERTO RICO – THAT IS WHY I AM CALLED A SATO. SATO IS SLANG FOR STREET DOG.

I WAS SKINNY AND MALNOURISHED BECAUSE I HAD TO SCROUNGE FOR FOOD. I WAS COVERED IN FLEAS AND TICKS AND OTHER CREEPY CRAWLEYS. I WAS A FREE SPIRIT BUT I DIDN’T LIKE IT VERY MUCH; I WAS HUNGRY AND SCARED AND FELT VERY ALONE.

WHEN I WAS ABOUT 12 WEEKS OLD, I WAS CAUGHT BY SOME PEOPLE WHO TOOK ME TO THE DOCTORS – WHO THEN POKED ME WITH NEEDLES OF MEDICINE AND VACCIENES – THEY SAID IT WAS TO GET ME READY TO GO TO THE UNITED STATES. I STAYED WITH MANY OTHER PUPPIES WHILE I WAITED AND I AT LEAST HAD A MEAL A DAY, BUT WITH SO MANY OTHER PUPPIES AROUND, I HAD TO BE QUICK!

SHORTLY AFTER, I WAS DECLARED READY TO GO TO THIS NEW WORLD OF AMERICA. I WAS LOADED ONTO A GREAT BIG AIRPLANE – WHICH I DIDN’T LIKE AT ALL. I LANDED IN THE CITY OF BOSTON AND WAS THEN WHISKED OF TO STERLING MASSACHUSETTS. THERE WERE MANY OF US THERE FROM PUERTO RICO. WE SAW NEW DOCTORS WHO GOT RID OF ALL OUR FLEAS AND TICKS AND SCRUBBED US CLEAN. 2 DAYS LATER IT WAS ADOPTION DAY.

I SAW CHRISSY BEFORE SHE SAW ME. I HEARD SHE CAME TO LOOK AT A DIFFERENT PUPPY; ONE THAT WAS BIG AND HAIRY. HE WAS A BIT UGLY IF YOU ASK ME. LUCKILY, HE WASN’T QUITE READY FOR ADOPTION THAT DAY. CHISSY SEEMED A LITTLE SAD. I HEARD SHE LOST HER BEST FRIEND MADDOX NOT LONG AGO. SHE CAME INTO OUR PEN “JUST TO LOOK” BUT I KNEW SHE WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO RESIST ME! THERE WERE ABOUT 15 OTHER PUPPIES WITH ME SO I HAD TO SCRAMBLE TO GET TO HER. I SAW HER EYNG ANOTHER PUPPY THAT HAD A NICE MIXTURE OF BLACK AND BROWN. I AM BUT A SOLID BLACK DOG WITH A PATCH OF WHITE ON MY CHEST. APPARENTLY, I HAVE SIMILAR MARKINGS OF HER OLD FRIEND MADDOX SO I KNEW I HAD TO WIN HER OVER AS SOON AS I COULD. I CLIMBED MY WAY OVER THE OTHER PUPPIES AND SCURRIED ONTO HER LAP. THAT MADE HER SMILE – BUT I NOTICED SHE HAD FUNNY DRIPS COMING OUT OF HER EYES. WAS SHE HAPPY OR SAD? I DIDN’T KNOW SO I GAVE HER A FEW LICKS TO SEE. SHE PAT ME BUT SEEMED TO BE UNSSURE AND WAS ALSO PATTING OTHER PUPPIES TOO! SO I JUST KIND OF PUSHED THEM OUT OF THE WAY AND GAVE HER MY LITTLE BROWN EYES THAT SAID “PICK ME”!  I JUST STAYED IN HER LAP AND GAVE HER LITTLE NUDGES UNTIL SHE PICKED ME UP. I KNEW THEN THE DEAL WAS SEALED. SHE TOOK ME HOME THAT VERY DAY WHERE I MET CARL AND TEQUILA. TEQUILA AND I PLAY EVERY DAY AND HE EVEN LETS ME SLEEP WITH HIM. I HEARD THAT TEQUILA WAS SAD BECAUSE HE LOST HIS BIG BROTHER MADDOX SO I LIKE TO PULL HIS EARS TO KEEP HIS MIND OFF THINGS.

CARL AND CHRISSY FEED ME AND PLAY WITH ME AND GIVE ME CUDDLES EVERY DAY. I LOVE IT HERE. I AM HAPPY AND SAFE AND VERY HEALTHY NOW. MY FUR IS GETTING VERY SHINNY AND SOFT AND I AM UP TO 29 POUNDS NOW! I THINK CHRISSY WAS LOOKING FOR ANOTHER BIG DOG LIKE MADDOX, BUT THE VET SAID I AM GOING TO BE A LITTLE PEANUT – JUST ABOUT 35 TO 40 POUNDS FULL GROWN (AND I’M ALREADY 7 MONTHS OLD NOW!)

BIG OR SMALL IT DOESN’T MATTER, WE ARE ALL JUST ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY NOW. I JUST LOVE IT HERE.

I HAVE LEARNED TO SIT AND LAY DOWN AND SOMETIME COME ON A WHISTLE – AND I JUST LOVE TO RUN AND RUN IN THE BACK YARD. ONE OF MY OTHER FAVORITE THINGS TO DO IS DIG! I JUST DID AND DIG AND DIG – AND THEN FOR SOME REASON CARL GETS A FUNNY LOOK ON HIS FACE AND STARTS YELLING AT ME – HMMM… MAYBE HE WANTED THAT SPOT TO DIG FOR HIMSELF. – NO MATTER, I WILL JUST FIND ANOTHER SPOT, YOU CAN HAVE THIS ONE I ALREADY STARTED.

MY NAME IS FEARGUS,

AND I COME FROM PUERTO RICO.

My first day home. Aren't I cute?

Me and my new pal.

Dig, Dig, Dig!

I may be small... but I can hold my own!

Self-esteem is essential to our ability to function in a healthy way. Without the foundation of a solid sense of self-worth, we are unable to take the risks and make the decisions necessary to lead a fulfilling, productive life. A low self-esteem corrodes our love lives, careers, family bonds, and, most importantly, our internal sense of well-being. A high self-esteem, on the other hand, brings the high level of confidence, problem-solving abilities, and assertiveness needed to achieve what is called “self-actualization”- a continuous desire to fulfill potentials, to be all that you can be. People who have positive self-esteem have healthier, stronger relationships with others. A strong sense of self-worth actually creates a type of self-fulfilling prophecy: the more you like yourself, the more you begin to act in likable ways; the more you believe you are able to achieve something, the more likely it is that you will. And the good news is that we can all take steps to improve our self-esteem. After all, there’s nothing more important than the relationship you have with yourself!

Building your self-esteem and creating a positive self-awareness comes from taking an inventory of your own strengths and abilities as a human being. Being at peace with who you are and what you have to offer the world is a major part of having high self-esteem. This “inner peace” does not mean that you are unaware of your weaknesses; it merely means that you accept who you are and genuinely like the person you have become.

You should think about yourself as deserving of attention, admiration and proper maintenance. Avoid the pitfall of paying too much attention to the happiness and well-being of others and too little to your own. Maintaining self-esteem involves becoming fully aware of your strengths and seeing challenges as opportunities to employ those strengths

Believe in your self-worth just a little bit more – be  all you can be; because YOU want to and because YOU can.

You are smart, you are able and you are magnificent you – don’t believe that?!? You should. Some one else doesn’t believe that in you?? – So be it

The conclusion of the Maddox Chronicles has been posted – please read his last page “The Chronicles of Maddox – The Sad End”.

“Lay down,

your sweet and weary head.

Night is falling.

You have come to journey’s end.

Across the sea,

a pale moon rises.

The ships have come,

to carry you home.

A light on the water.

All souls pass.

You and I will meet again.”

To give up control is to truly be in control; to enjoy life, and live life.

Take risks; we do not know the outcome – it just may be good; not the worst that you expected

Look for options; problem solve.

Do not lose your sense of self; you have, individually, your own value and worth

Live life, enjoy life and be.

A sobering thought: what if, at this very moment, I am living up to my full potential?

~Jane Wagner 

The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.

~Allan K. Chalmers  

Once you choose hope, anything’s possible.

~Christopher Reeves  

Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow them.

~Louisa May Alcott:

I AM WHAT I AM 

I LIKE PEANUT BUTTER AND PUPPIES,

MILKSHAKES AND MEMORIES

AND I LIKE FLUFF BUT NOT MARSHMALLOW.

` 

I AM AMERICAN SO I LOVE BASEBALL,

BUT YET, I DON’T LIKE WATERMELON OR APPLE PIE.

I ALSO LIKE THE DOG PLUTO,  BUT NOT MICKEY MOUSE. 

`I WISH FOR THE IMPOSSIBLE

BUT THEN DOUBT IT CAN BE TRUE.

I LIKE TO THINK I AM A OPORTINISTIC PESSIMIST! 

`I WISH GOOD THINGS FOR YOU,

BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE LEFT OUT.

I WILL GIVE YOU THE WORLD

BUT SECRETLY NEED SOMETHING IN RETURN.

A PLEASE OR A THANK YOU WILL BE JUST FINE. 

`I WANT TO DO THINGS

BUT  I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE WHERE I AM.

I WANT A BIG OL’ PICKUP TRUCK,

BUT I DRIVE A SMALL PRACTICAL CAR. 

`I LOVE WHEN SOMEONE NEAR ME

HUMS, WHISTLES OR SINGS.

THAT MAKES ME FEEL ALL COMFY AND WARM.

` I TRULY ENJOY BEING ALONE,

BUT NOT FOR TOO LONG BECAUSE I LIKE TO TALK A LOT.

AND THAT IS EITHER YOUR ENJOYMENT OR DISPLEASURE.…

BUT THAT IS JUST ME. 

`I LIKE HUGS BUT NOT TOO MANY KISSES

I LIKE TULIPS BUT NOT ROSES.

` I AM DRAMATICE – IN GOOD THINGS AND BAD.

I FEAR THE WORST, WORRY ABOUT THE “WHAT IF’S”

BUT IF IT WAS YOU, I WOULD TELL YOU JUST THE OPOSITE…

I WOULD SAY; “YES YOU CAN” OR “IT’S OK”, “NO, NO THAT WON’T HAPPEN” 

`FUNNY, MAYBE I SHOULD START TALKING TO MY SELF

I KNOW I SHOULD; BUT I DON’T APPEAR TO BELIVE MYSELF

BUT I BELIVE IN YOU! 

`I GET EXCITED AND I EXAGERATE

BUT ALL IN GOOD FUN.

I LIKE TO BE SILLY, LAUGH AND EVEN SOMETIMES SNORT. 

`A GIGGLE OF A CHILD IS AS GRAND AS A WEE FAT, CHERUB

(BUT I WON’T CHANGE A DIAPER!!)

I LIKE WINKS, SMIRKS AND EVEN SOUR-PUSS FACES.

` I STAND BY MY WORD

AND I WILL STAND BY YOURS

I WILL PROTECT YOU AND CARE FOR YOU

BUT WHEN I AM SICK OR TOO SAD;

I JUST NEED TO BE CODDLED AND CARED. 

`I AM JELOUS BUT HONEST.

I WANT WHAT YOU HAVE.

IT MAY NOT BE RIGHT BUT IT IS WHO I AM.

` YOU CAN HAVE MINE IF YOUWANT –

EVEN IF I DON’T WANT TO GIVE,

IT IS YOURS IF YOU SO DESIRE 

`I LIKE THE WORDS: SNOOKERED, POPPYCOCK, SISCORS AND BOO

JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE FUN TO SAY.

I LIKE THE NAMES FERGUS AND GILLICK

AND THE NAMES MADELINE, KELLEY AND BETH;

BUT I DON’T LIKE MY OWN.

` I DON’T LIKE BEING TOLD WHAT TO DO;

BUT IF YOU JUST ASK, I’M SURE I WON’T MIND

I’M GLAD FOR YOUR SUCCESS

BUT THAT DOESN’T MAKE YOU BETTER THAN ME 

`I TRY HARD AND WORK HARD

SO I AM AT LEAST YOUR EQUAL.

I CARE AND I GIVE AND I AM RELUCTANT TO TAKE.

` SOMETIMES I WISH I HAD MORE

AND I COULD SHARE IT WITH YOU

BUT I DO SO VERY MUCH LOVE WHAT I HAVE.

` I DESIRE, REQUIRE AND HONOR RESPECT.

SOMETIMES I MAY COUNT ON YOU OR RELY ON YOU TOO MUCH

YET SOMETIMES, IT HAS TO BE DONE;–

BY NONE OTHER THAN ME.

` MAYBE YOU LIKE THAT ABOUT MEAND MAYBE YOU DON’T.

BUT ALL OF THIS IS ALL TRUE, BECAUSE….

I AM WHAT I AM.

` AND I LIKE WHAT I AM.

IF I CHANGE MY THOUGHTS, IDEAS, LIKES AND DISLIKES;

I WILL STILL BE WHAT I AM. 

` YOU ARE WHAT YOU ARE

AND THAT’S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU.

It is no secret I have an anxiety/panic “challenge”. Ah, even just that felt good to admit.

I have apparently been “hand-picked” to go to a 4 week women’s support group. It has a great name. It is called “Women Empowerment”.  It will consist of 7 other women plus the counselor. It appears that they consider this a small group. Well, not to me! Any more than 2 is more that I can handle.

I am not expected to speak unless I want to, I am invited to just sit and listen. Each meeting is for 2 hours.  I can already feel the claustrophobia, hyperventilation, need to pass out or flee; creeping up on me already. 2 Hours?!? That is a lifetime!

I agreed to go because I know it is a good opportunity for me, and I will probably learn very much from it. It is something meant to help and guide me. Tonight I was given some tools and techniques to work through this anxiety; to be able to go and concentrate on the group. Something about intervention, but for the life of me, they have all currently leapt from my mind!

I remember something like; I am supposed to create 2 columns. One for my reasons why I shouldn’t go, or don’t want to go and all the horrible things. And the other column is to be for why I should go. Hopefully the should column will out weigh the shouldn’t, and the shouldn’t will become a deficit. I’ll have to work on that.

I’ll try to remember the other “Intervention Tools” but I’ll need some time to calm my thoughts and remember what they are. And I need to talk to Fred!!!!

So, in the mean time, any support or advice would be more than welcome. Please check in periodically as I will be doing the same because I need you!

Respectfully submitted,

Panic in pieces

I have made a new page called the Chronicles of Maddox.

Maddox is my dog, and he has a story to share with you. – Take a peek

I just wanted to introduce my monkey.

He is my fear monkey. His name is Fred.

Actually I like to call him “Fool Fred” and for some reason. I like to think he  is a blue and squishy monkey.

I wonder what Fred and I will do tomorrow?!?! – (tee hee)

WHAT I REALLY NEED IN MY LIFE  

A)    Select the words below which to fit into the following sentence. Add any other important needs in your life.

“What I really need in my life right now is more…”

Vitality                  Self-esteem                 Tenderness                  Composure

Security                 Recognition                Generosity                  Centering

Activity                 Confidence                  Caring                         Awareness

Health                   Motivation                  Sharing                        Solitude

Strength                Knowledge/Skill         Music                          Devotion

Energy                   Opportunities             Laughter                     Contemplation

Fitness                   Challenges                 Support                      Serenity

Relaxation             Variety                       Self-expression            Trust

Comfort                Structure                     Companionship           Insight

Nutrition               Accomplishments        Harmony                     Joy

Touching               Control                       Romance                     Commitment

Imagination           Intimacy                      Communion

Sleep                     Money                        Patience                       Integration

Coordination         Responsibility              Beauty                         Forgiveness

Flexibility              Education/Training       Sensitivity                   Surrender

Exercise                Experience                  Receptivity                  Faith

Self-control           Freedom                    Self-awareness            Purpose

B)    Study the qualities which you have selected. Now write down what you see as getting in the way of obtaining what you need or desire. Which needs do you feel you can develope by yourself.

What is standing in your way? How is it standing in your way? Why ? Why does it have to be in your way? Is it because of some one else? Then why? Or is it because of you? Are you standing in your own way? Why? Keep asking why or what, then ask why or what to that answer, then to another. Keep going, it may come to you. It may be simple or it may take time to solve. We may not do, say or accomplish something we want because we blame some one else for it, for some one (or ourselves) standing in our way, or we don’t want to because it is not what some one else wants or needs – but what about you? Do something for you. If it’s something you need or want, it is not up to some one else. It is not up to us to please some one else. Do something for you – yes, you yourself. So what, some one else may be disappointed, irritated, annoyed – So be it. (or just maybe even motivated by you.) They are entitled to their emotions, but their emotions are not your responsibility. They will need to figure that out on their own. When will it be time for you? If some one deserves all the things you do and give to them – don’t you deserve the same at the very least? Really think about it, and question yourself, then question your question.

I am going to pick a few from this list each day, week or even month. However long it takes to accomplish my goals. These may be very new things to us- so yes, we might have to work at them, but it is something we deserve and will be rewarding in the end. If I can not accomplish one, I will just put it aside for another opportunity – I will not be discouraged, that’s not what this is about. If I can do it, good for me – I deserve it. If I am unable to accomplish it at a certain point, that is ok, it is for me, and up to me and only me. It is my choice, I will have another chance. I will not set irrational and unreasonable goals. Someday, this list may be very tiny or not exist at all. Imagine that for a moment. What kind of relaxed, “love-who- I- am- me” would I be?!?!?!?!

I hope you take some time do try this and discover your self or new self (or the self you have always been, but didn’t know  – or know you could be). Maybe you will start a new adventure with this – I hope you do. What do you really, really want. What do you really, really need. Are our wants and need very different anyway?

Good luck!