The Chronicles of Maddox – The Sad End

Without Carl, I truly would not have got through this in one piece. Carl was a huge part in caring for Maddox. He was more than my equal in his care, and did things I could not. Carl carried him, he loved him and he was there with him until the absolute very end so he would not be alone - something I was unable to do – and that, will never be forgotten.

 

It was Friday, Carl came home to the happy ruckus that the dogs always greet you with. Tail wagging, noses sniffing, feet a tappin’; “Pet me, pet me first”!

Running in circles and dancing to the door to go out – in all their massive excitement of “hellos”, Maddox and Tequila collided… and Maddox went down.

A yelp! And then in his panic, he got himself up. He wouldn’t put his back leg down…

But he was determined to hobble around as best he could – which was not an easy task that he could manage. Of all his four legs, his back ones were always the weakest.

A few years ago, during one of his other catastrophes, we had built him a ramp so he could get up and down the back deck to go out.

But this time, sadly he could not even manage this. There was no doubt about it; he had to be carried. Carrying a 122 pond dog that is not meant to be picked up is no small feat and could only be done by Carl.

As it was the weekend, and the local vet was closed, we decided to give him the weekend to see if he would recover. Hoping, maybe he twisted something or sprained something – he’s been through worse.

Heavy doses of pain pills were required and doggie suppers in “bed”; we barely made it through the weekend. Long nights of him whimpering until the next pain pill kicked in; long nights of him needing to get up with full assistance and change position for brief moments of comfort. He had a lot of weight to try to get up with only one shaky leg and one useless leg. Every single time he wanted to get up, in hopes to relive the pain I imagine, – I was there. I used all ounces of strength to lift him from a laying position, and then half carry; half push him to where he wanted to go. It would take the breath right out of the both of us.

I truly thought Maddox’s constant crying and moaning, and sleep deprived me, was surely slowly driving me insane. The misery he exuded was almost more than I could bear. I slept with him, I patted him, and I talked to him; and gave what only seemed like moments of relief.

Finally, the weekend ended and Maddox was sent off to the vets for X-Rays. Hours of tense waiting, the vet finally called. The news was not good and very hard to hear.

Because of his cancer, Maddox’s bones were too brittle to handle the fall. He ended up with a compound fracture directly at the joint where his tumor was. So it was just like his bones had shattered. Because of this, and because of the terminal cancer; there just was no hope what-so-ever for the bones to heal – ever. It wasn’t going to happen this time.

The irony of all this is – the cancer had not yet visibly spread to any vital organs as expected by this time. To think, after everything he has been through, a broken leg was what did him in. After much time, and much thought on that, I realized though; that yes, it was the cancer that got him in the end. His leg would not have shattered like that otherwise.

I knew from his first diagnosis that was a true and most likely possibility. I didn’t know what to do! I couldn’t leave my poor pup at the vet – all I knew was I just had to get him home. The vet did the best she could and put his leg in a cast for him to hold it in place.

Worn out, Maddox came home that day. The apparent decision was glaringly obvious – for someone else, but not me! I didn’t want it to be now and I couldn’t bring myself to make the choice.

In between the soft moans, Maddox still had his old self shinning through. He wagged his tail for me and gave me his “smiles” and always welcomed me to rubs and cuddles. I guess I was kidding myself and thought with the cast, he seemed better. He was still eating and “speaking” and most of all, he was still loving us.

Through much support and nudging subtle advice (that I may have ignored at times) from family and very close friends, I knew what I had to do. It became obvious then, that he was not happy- maybe loved, but not happy. He gave us his love, worship and adoration, but he was not happy and he was in pain. As I promised us both, I would not let him suffer, and he was.

The decision was made with what I tried for, not one ounce of doubt – I had to let him go, for his own good, his final peace. I slept with him on the floor that night and made him a peanut butter and fluff sandwich to share. I said goodbye to him over and over again.

That was the hardest decision to ever make, I kept thinking; I am not God, do I have this right to make this choice of life and death? But I know in my heart, it was the right, humane and most giving thing I could do for him.

I know he had the best and happiest life possible. There is now an emptiness about, that will never quite be filled – he has made his mark and he was a legend made by his own right.

Maddox had lost the battle, be he never gave up the fight.

March 12, 2008 Rest in peace my fury friend. You are greatly missed.

Maddox’s cast signed by friends

 

 Maddox’s #1 fan club

 

 Together ’til the end

 

Goodbye my very best fury friend. I will miss you greatly…